The old me

i missed the old me,

who always knew what to do in hard times.

i missed the old me,

who always stayed cool when things went wrong.

i missed the old me

who always smiled to stop the tears from falling down.

i missed the old me, 

who was really hard to fall for anyone.

i missed the old me,

who always thought that every problem must has a solution.

Sometimes theyre right, 

but most of it caused me to be really an ego person.

Well, things change when we grow up.

i met a lot of different types of people

i learnt how to deal with humans

sometimes, i let the tears fall, but 

i let no one was there to wipe them

because i was just too ego 

to have a shoulder to stand beside me

& thats when i started to learn my own mistakes.

i was being too ego to myself

when actually i need a place to ask for opinion,

and listen to their advices

but i was just too ego

i hate people see me crying

i hate it when people hear me telling my problems

i hate it when people know that i've done something wrong

& at last,

i have broken my own heart.

but its alright, i thought everything will be fine

So, i learnt to fix the wrong things,

but then

 i just cant find the right words

 to describe what i feel 

to tell what i think

so, again, i decided to keep it all inside

for thinking not to waste anybody's time,

thinking about this crappy problems.

that moment when i really really cant hold my tears anymore,

not like before,

i just let them fall,

i crumbled to the floor, and my hands were by my face

My face scrunched up and i let out that first gasp.

I tried to be quiet but eventually it becomes loud, 

heart wrenching sobs.

and i knew, again, i was breaking inside

for keeping it all inside.

From that moment, 

i  tried my best to keep myself near to Him,

i was wrong for thinking no one was there to listen to me,

He's always by my side,

but my heart was just too blind.

and i realized,

human can  always live on without friends,

but one will always need them,

i got it, that all i need was just friends,

to understand each other 

and not to keep it all inside.

All i wanted was to stop being too ego to myself.

& now, 

i never wanted to look back and say

'i missed the old me'

because i learnt that Allah always knows the best

in every single thing.

I will,

i will keep on trying,

i will keep on going,

i will keep on raising my hands to Him,

i will keep on smiling and loving everyone around me

i will,
 i know i will

therefore, i will definitely wont run away,
thats what i'll do,
definitely always.

because i believe &

because i have faith

that i can be better,

InshaAllah

Staycool