normal vs abnormal | oblivious?

'that' feeling is getting stronger. i tried my best at being optimistic but it turned out really disappointing.

its kinda weird but its true. You may say its debatable but yeah whatever, its just so understatement.

its when youre not only failing in having, erm, you know such small relationship but also in friendship.

*im not saying i WAS in a relationship. Im just giving you an analogy here*

well heres the truth.

i think its normal for me, who is clearly a genuine girl, to fall for a guy *theres no any spesific guy im referring at* but somehow, it is abnormal for a guy to fall for me. 

whoa wait wait. please. dont rebut my point above. i mean, you really dont get it do you? its just my opinion *well not really an opinion. rather, a statement*

at some point, i just cant deny it. and actually it helps me a lot.haha LOL

its when im started erm to realize that im actually growing up! haha i know you know! :D

surprising isn it?!

** how old am i? oh yeah, 18 *sigh **

i dont even know why would i say that. its just like.. its just.. i got a lot of signs hihi

i used to detach my feelings apart when watching movies like you know, those contain lots of lessons like forest gump or like titanic which they said was the saddest *i just dont think its sad even after watching it*

but not now anymore! i cried when even watching *oh-so-lol* MULAN! its a sign, people! its a sign! im actually growing up!! i mean, i actually just understood how is it to be sad, mad, disappointed, giving up and stuff.

idk. in times, i just realized how big the deal is to be a daughter, friend, listener, player and stuff. its just lately i started to think a lot, i mean THINK DEEP in every single thing i do. the consequences and all. 

and and and, most of the times now, i really mean what i say. well i used to joke around, try my best at being the-so-optimistic-girl-on-earth and not being serious at my most points i said. its just different now. i started to aware that lately, i mean what i say. i think before i say. i got points in my words. i talk when i feel like need to. the thing is, i do think and empathise myself with the situation.

hmph. i never know whether this is good or bad, where will this bring me but one thing, at least i know what i am doing. you know, we can never get away from problems, they come and they go. Its US who will decide what will happen next, what the consequences would be. Its US who is dealing with the problems. if mistakes are destined to happen, then learn from them. Everything happens for a reason, even the smallest thing. 

being at 18 is not a small deal. We all have big big responsibilities and yet countless problems *although sometimes we dont even know what we dont know*. Different people got different paths and trials because we have different abilities. We just got to follow the flow, raise our hand and aks for the best. If you think youre facing the biggest problem ever now, then think about other people. 

The poor living in uptstream might not know the feeling of being able to wear nice shirts but they perform quite good in academic. What do they do? Easy, they are being grateful. Learn from them.

The rich living in big houses might not understand of being in hardship, real hardship -not enough food, clothes- because they always have the courage to try, step ahead, trying to live in the society. Learn from them.

We are here to complete each other. What to be ashamed of?

i think a lot lately. that time when i apologize to few of my friends for the wrongs ive done and the next day, they ask 'sina sina, kau hidup lagi tak? bkn apa, pelik pelik ni biasanya...' err okay haha

*breath in... outt*

somehow, 

its not yet the beginning, just warming up session.

there will be a lot undiscovered, mixture of feelings, big things lay ahead and i know i really need to be strong and tough, with His will. this is the time, i know. i really need to take a big step, look forward, and always learn :) amiinn

i dont wanna be sina anymore, i wanna be Nur Syamsina, it means cahaya matahari kami. 

this is seriously big. well not for you, but for me, YES. i just get it now. aahh why so late ?? hmm better late then never though.

lets pray for the better future peeps :)